PAIN IS GOOD

I'm picking at my wound again (unbeatably my favourite pastime these days)... Adiba yells, "Can you quit putting your chot up for display for God's sake?" and looks away, eyes tightly shut, disgusted! I can understand... or well, can I? As in I'd do that if I were in her place! So how's this different???
I guess I know better than to look away from my own troubles... I have to face them, sooner if not later... Blah! They're mine after all... 'Mine'- Possessive article.
You'd think people identify better with you when you're dealing with the negatives... Isn't that exactly why they can't see you happy? Isn't that why they keep pulling you down all the time? Irrespective of the fact whether you're already at the bottom... They fear you'll get better than them if they let you... so they crush you right in the beginning... 'Coz then they can use your shoulders to stand over you. "One down; n to go!"... You're no more than a rung in their ladder to get to the top...
Even otherwise, does anyone really care? Obviously they'll tell you they went through something similar and like duh they understand, but eventually look away when the cut is at its ugliest and where the itch most irritating! "Mess with it when I'm not around..."

I reproach myself for showing off and pull my sleeve over my elbow... But then again, why? What's there to hide or what's wrong with show-off (if at all you call it show off)??? Don't all of us seek sympathy? I mean at least I do, for all I care, and that too in volumes (now that I've admitted it :P)... After all Insecurity does this to you sometime or the other... But then I do enjoy the pain too... It does take my mind off things for a while... Suddenly all my problems seem to be centred around that one single blood clot, and somehow I am convinced that bit by bit removing the dead skin gets me rid of them somewhat... Strangely enough I ignore the scars and blemishes it leaves behind in that moment of blind hope...
Accidentally I pull where it is still cathected to the skin; and the sight of fresh blood oozing out stabs me back to my ugly reality... I feel my stomach turning... the pain comes rushing back... "Nice to see you again! At least you're always there when things are at their worst..."